Relationships aren’t easy!

Most of us wake up and the first thought is “I can’t wait to get back into bed tonight!”

That there is the story of my life!

My tiredness is due to working 4 days a week and having 2 lovely little critters who take up all my energy! Also I’m a freak and like a clean home so between working, kids and chores I am pooped!  I don’t find that time for myself.  I just lied haha.  I always find time for myself, we have a very strict rule about our children’s bed time so that Dean I get that adult time.

At the moment I’m struggling with juggling all this and being the best partner in the world.  I try and I try but sometimes it’s not enough.  Especially when you are so tired, you could fall asleep standing up!

Sometimes you think “stuff the washing and the vacuuming.”  – FYI mine hasn’t been done in 5 days and it looks like Ke$ha been in there throwing glitter on the floor!

But who’s going to do the mountains of washing and the vacuuming once it’s piled up after being ‘stuffed’ for so long??

I AM!!!!! When it’s ten times worse! Wahooooooooooo lucky me!

Because I feel this way, I feel that I’m not looking after my relationship.

I look back and think how before kids everything was fucking easy.  We had time for each other, we weren’t up late baking for a daycare event or making sure the swimming togs were dry for the next day.  We sat, we chatted, we found time for each other and got our freak on all the time!  Now days finding that time is so hard – yet so important!  I mean where would I be without Dean?  I know life would be shitty if he wasn’t around.

Before kids it was different and the time we had was special.  Then you have your first child.  It’s different, parenthood is new for both of you and you learn how to do it together.  But your time is divided!  Then you have another baby and sure, you know what you’re doing (actually totally winging it as two kids is so different from one!) but then your time is divided even more.  Because of extra mess, extra washing and late nights, that together time disappears!  After Harper was born I think we went like 2 months with no sex.  It was a killer for both of us!  We didn’t find the time as we were TIRED!!!!!! But what happens when our babies leave home and we are left and have nothing in common?

This is what I struggle with! Will we be the people we used to be? Will we find that watching reruns of Friends is just as fun as it was 20 years ago?

Like I know that when you get married you’re in it for life, but I’m not getting married! Does that make a difference?

In my eyes no, but I had this conversation with a work colleague and he was like “what’s the point if your relationship is going no where?”

Then it dawned on me! Fuck!  What happens if Dean doesn’t want to be with me and that’s why we aren’t getting married?  So we had the discussion and Dean told me he would bury me if I left him!  Don’t worry, if you knew Dean, you would know this is a joke…but he is serious about me never leaving him, he would never hurt me! I’ve never even seen him in a horrid rage (wish I could say the same thing about me lol). I’d hate to be his work mates…

So we have to look after our relationship!  We made these children, they are a product of love and that doesn’t mean we have to stay together for our kids but it does mean that we have to maintain our relationship for us!  No one else, just US!


They say children are your number one, but I’m beginning to think maybe our relationship is number one and the love and respect we have from our relationship will make our kids grow into exceptional human beings.  They will know what love is, they will know how to treat their partners with respect and they will want what Mum and Dad have.

I know this because my parents have been married for 35 years!!!  Go them!  There is so much I love about them but one thing is that they still hold hands and kiss – my dad is such a romantic!  I’m lucky if I get an emoji face blowing a kiss from Dean.  (Soph here – this is total bullshit and no Dean did not make me write this but remember the time he brought you home flowers after Matariki?  Yeah, I got your back Dean if you’re reading this.)

We are in mutual happiness.  We don’t worry about rumors or bullshit, we know each other inside out and as we are best friends we tell each other everything.  Like for instance, a major hottie came into work the other day and took off his top whilst trying something on, then he invited me into the changing room to make sure it fitted.  I was flustered.  This hasn’t happened in a while!  But being the person I am, I went home and told Dean all about it! He was stoked for me! I know that being honest with Dean is the best thing. Why lie when you can both have a good time high-fiving and then giggling about it!?

At the end of the day no matter what the reasons we have for not getting married are, I know that I will cherish Dean for the rest of my life whether there is a piece of paper or not.  I know he’d be a completely different person without me and wouldn’t want me out of his life!  I know we will grow old together, well he’ll grow extra old and I’ll just grow old! I know we can get through anything and we have 100% trust! We aren’t stupid, we don’t play games.  I felt when I met Dean that I never had to worry again about him going off with another girl, he isn’t wired that way!  I knew he had what he wanted. And I had got what I wanted.  Bec x



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